Donald J Trump facing forward in front of the American flag. A second undressed picture of him on the right.
President Donald J Trump

Fanny Flaps, Pig Eyes & Micro-Penises

A luxury cosmetic spa is offering customers a chance to look like their favourite president. Adonis cosmetic surgery is inviting its clients to commemorate President Trump’s 82nd birthday with look-alike plastic surgery. Jeff Skinner, the CEO of Adonis, describes the surgical procedures as “the ultimate tribute.”

“We’ve enlisted Dr. Sean Barbarella, President Trump’s personal physician, in order to provide the most accurate look-alike results as possible,” says Mr. Skinner. He promises uncanny results. “I’ve examined every inch of the president,” says Dr. Barbarella, “I will never shake those images, so I was able to advise every step of the way.”

These aren’t your typical procedures either. “We didn’t want to do the usual things- nose jobs and the like. We wanted to offer our clients something really special and unique to the president- so that there’s no question who they’re emulating,” says Mr. Skinner. “When Jeff set out the criteria like that, we all immediately thought of Trump’s distinctive meat curtains,” says Barbarella. “Meat curtains?” I ask. “Fanny flaps,” Barbarella offers, waggling his hand beneath his chin. “The excess skin under the president’s chins that looks like loose labia,” Dr. Peelgud, a surgeon at the facility, volunteers, “It’s very distinctive.” “We’re calling it the most fuckable neck in history,” says Barbarella. “I don’t think we’ve agreed on that,” says Dr. Peelgud.

The medical spa is also offering an eyelid reduction to give the appearance of smaller eyes, and a penis reduction and reconstruction to mimic the president’s appendage. “If that isn’t the ultimate experience, I don’t know what is,” Dr. Peelgud says. I ask the doctor if he expects a rush of clients wanting a penis reduction. “It’s not just a reduction. We’re reshaping it too, so that it resembles the president’s button-mushroom to a tee. Think of the clout… It’s as close as most men will ever come to holding the president’s penis in their hand. I think a lot of men will be interested.”

  • Donald J Trump facing forward in front of the American flag. A second undressed picture of him on the right.
    Fanny Flaps, Pig Eyes & Micro-Penises
    Adonis cosmetic surgery is inviting its clients to commemorate President Trump’s 82nd birthday with look-alike plastic surgery.
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